Toni On New York!

The Land of Pasta and Change (And More Change…)

Another week, another pound…I am now down 15lbs and looking to get
to my goal of losing a total of 30lbs. So, 15lbs more to go. No sweat,
well, actually a lot of sweat, but I know what to do and how to do it.
The Mamas (and Ray) have kept me on the straight and narrow and now is
when we push ourselves to the max. We are getting real. We are making
it happen. We are…insert your own hackneyed cliche for kicking butt
here…and then it happens. Hello, Real Life! Just when you’ve got it
all under control and you are moving along…the universe decides to
mix it up, just a little…just enough to knock you right off your
lovely, controlled fitness course.

It’s probably no coincidence that I started a very cool new job just a
few short weeks before we kicked off boot camp. Change has a way of,
well, changing and bringing more new stuff into your world. I was
ready. This was my time to step it up and make things happen for
myself, for my family, for my future well-being, for mommykind! Well,
happy 2012! This week, just a few short hours after our very first
boot camp of the year, it was revealed that major change was going to
be happening on the work front once again. Nothing bad…and in fact
awesome change for another working mommy-in-arms…but dang…this was
some big stuff. As one of the ‘adults’ at the new gig I got to witness
the wave of sadness, uncertainty, frustration, anger, fear and general
WTF-ness that swept through my office. There were tears, hugs, pep
talks and lots and lots of hang wringing. Change is not easy…though
as the adage goes, it’s the only constant we can depend on in
life…we do not take it well.

Enter my very humbling moment with a bowl of left over tortellini.
Yes, it was after 7 p.m. (Lisa’s newly imposed stricture that we not
eat post-7 p.m.) and I was watching the Real Housewives (don’t ask,
don’t judge…move along) and I nearly ate the entire bowl of those
delicious, carb-laden, cheesy little dumplings…cold…with my hands!
Ok…I feel a little better having confessed…well, not really…but
what’s done is done. And here’s the big takeaway and the reason I sort
of can actually celebrate a little bit: a) I did NOT eat the whole
thing; b) I did NOT chase it down with a huge, disgusting slab of
something gooey, chocolatey and ridiculously delicious; c) I moved on,
let it go and vowed to do better with my next choice. Notice, I did
not commit to doing better the next day or week or anything like that.
I focused only on my very next choice. Doing that let me put the lid
back on the left overs and place them back in the fridge and walk
away. One choice at a time.

For me this journey has been somewhat like an addict’s recovery. As a
person who has spent most of her life well within, and often somewhat
below, the accepted weight limits for my height, I’ve always
identified as the ’skinny bitch’ that right now I would like to punch!
Somewhere in the past five years, I have taken to using food to make
myself feel better, to reward even the smallest effort–gave the kids
a bath, I need an ice cream!–it’s horrifying. I eat when I’m happy,
when I’m bored, when I’m sad, when I’m stressed…well, so I ate
because I was stressed but I realized that tortellini was not taking
away my stress. If anything it was adding to my anxiety. So, like any
recovering addict, I put it down and walked away. No judgement, no
harsh words…just a different choice. And today, Denim Friday at the
office, I’m wearing my favorite jeans sans the muffin top!

Tell Your Friends